May is full of many things that have to do with me. May is the month of my birth. It is also the month of Mother’s day. It is Oncology nurses month. May is also the month where hospitals celebrate Nurse’s week. The week is related to Florence Nightingale’s birthday (May 12th). All of these things have to do with me. My career, my family, and my life.

But May is also Mental Health Month. What does that mean? For me, this is important. My family has a long history of mental illness. Suicide and attempted suicide on both sides of my family. Alcoholism, drugs and gambling addictions. Poor coping skills and unhealthy relationships. Abuse. Depression. And probably undiagnosed mental illness. Recently it has had a greater impact on me and I am currently on a leave of absence from work to help my family cope and work through mental illness. It’s been so hard. And I find myself more distant and alone. I know this post is all from my perspective, but I wanted to share these thoughts with people because of the fact that I feel more isolated from those around me.

When you think about health, what do you think about? Fitness? Diet? Doctors? Medication? A lot of what you think about is probably related to the health of you and your family. The level of health you experience, the level of health or wellness you would like to experience, the health of your family members. But what about mental health?

I know a lot of women in my life who talk about weight, diet and exercise. Women, like myself, who spend money, time, and energy on apps, gym memberships, weight watchers, and books about how to achieve a certain physical result. I know women who run or bike or see a chiropractor and naturopath physicians. People who desire wellness. I know someone who is having lap band surgery to help get to a place with well controlled blood sugar and blood pressure. I know women who make sure they have healthy meal choices for their family, eat organic or raw and want to foster active lifestyles in their kids. People get into rigorous debates about vaccines, medications and processed foods. This kind of focus on physical health in Southern California is palpable. You can’t go anywhere where someone isn’t talking about one of these things during a 30 minute conversation.

But what about mental health? How much conversations do we have with that? In Southern California, I do know several people who have had therapists or psychologists. But these conversations are more guarded. I don’t know as many women trying to find apps, books, classes, and help to find mental wellness. In fact, I know a lot of women who are frazzled and stressed and express that it is hard to do it all. Mothers who are doing the best that they can to be successful each day in all that they do. But I hear less of an expression of what hurts them, how they cope, and what they are trying to do now.

I am not saying that people aren’t looking for mental wellness, I just think it’s under the radar. I hear some people talk about getting therapy and even a few mention medication. Some people talk about self-help books they are reading. These people say this mostly in person, in moments of confidence or an unplanned conversation that brings it out. There’s no app that people are updating daily like runkeeper that links to their facebook page, showing how they had a good coping day. I hear people talk about it on twitter, where anonymity exists, but those same people don’t post it on facebook where people they know will see it. Why is this? Because of what people will think.

But as someone who has struggled with mental illness in her family for years, I think we should all start bringing it into the conversation. Secrets and shame around mental illness are damaging. We need to stop seeing mental illness as being weak. And it is not something we should suffer with in silence. Mental illness should be like physical illness. If you get diagnosed with the flu, irritable bowel syndrome, diabetes, heart disease or cancer, there is massive community of support for you out there. Dialogue is ongoing about what you can do to help yourself. From the small physical ailments to the big ones. Mental health is equally important and there is help out there too.

First of all, learn the myths about mental illness. Next, learn about mental health problems. Find help. And know that you are not alone, people are blogging about this here and here. And there are organizations out there to help. Many workplaces have things like “work and life matters,’ resources for employees who need it. These sometimes have free counseling sessions or access to support groups. My work granted me an LOA to care for a loved one. There may be workshops and support groups in your local area. If you want, start your own, although I have found this to be challenging due to everyone having busy schedules and being tired. The library has many books on mental health issues and is a great place to educate yourself in a more in-depth way than just reading articles on the internet. But be sure to check out books that are up to date. Also, exercise is good for the body and the mind. I have definitely been using that as a coping strategy lately.

If nothing else, next time your friend talks about stress, sadness, and mental health, join the conversation.

http://www.nami.org/